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I couldn’t help but think of the Word of God: (1 Corinthians 11: 27 – 32) “Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty concerning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died. But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world.”

As I examined my heart, I knew that there was no one at the church that I had done any harm to or that I may have hurt in any way in which I was aware. I quickly knew that God was dealing with me regarding my husband. Now you have to understand, this is a man who I have hurt over and over and over again. For many years when I had been under the influence of alcohol, I’ve said the cruelest, most disrespectful and demeaning things to him. Instead of lifting him up, I made it my duty to tear him down. I’ve been so full of pride, because I’ve always told myself I can “make it” on my own. The Lord has blessed me with a great career and I have always given God the Glory for his favor.  However, although God did get me here, I had forgotten that He also gave me a wonderful supporting husband that stood by me while I rose to the top.

I grew up in a household where my father was the sole provider and a great one at that. I’ve had the idea in my head all my life that a man needs to provide financially. That’s basically all I believed that they are here for. Don’t get me wrong, my husband works, but there were several periods throughout our marriage that he didn’t (and those times seem to be all I’ve held on to). I’ve prided myself on the consistency of my work history; never giving up and doing whatever it takes to put food on the table. I’ve had such a big head, that I forgot that I really couldn’t be where I am today without his support. My husband always pushed and encouraged me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.

I asked him to take time off from work to raise our children while I moved up the corporate ladder. My moving up meant a lot of travel and time away from our children. But yet again, Mrs. Big Head over here forgot about that too. I forgot about all the things he did for us; from cooking to cleaning to attending parent/teacher conferences, and assemblies. You name it, he did it. I never thanked him for it, because I was thinking he should be thanking me for working and for the chance for him to stay at home. Yes, he played “Mr. Mom”, but I asked him to and then put him down for it.

Boy, I was being smacked left and right as I examined myself that Sunday morning. I knew that I had to take the next step, because God was tugging at my heart. I leaned over to my husband and I asked “Do you forgive me? Truly forgive me?” He gave me this look as if to say “Yes”, but I know the hurt is still there. I know that we both are going to have to go through a healing process, and I believe in his heart he did forgive me for all the wrong I have done. He’s done his fair share of things to hurt me, but after all, this is my story and not his. And I have forgiven him. I partook of the communion, as did he.

I guess I’m writing this because we both have said  “I’m sorry, forgive me” to one another, but I know I have never truly repented for my sins against God towards my husband. The Word of God tells me that as a wife I shall respect my husband (Ephesians 5:33). So I vow to God that from this day forward I will do my best every day to follow his word.

I would like to challenge anyone who is reading this and knows that there is someone you have to get right by. I would encourage you to forgive them, or ask them for their forgiveness. Don’t partake in the communion unless you have examined your heart and truly judged yourself.

Your invited to join “The Movement” every Friday Night @7:30pm. Citylights has a powerful team of leaders mentoring young people into a lasting relationship with Jesus.

Allow me to share my experience with ministry idolatry briefly.  For about 12 consecutive years, I participated in worship bands in a leadership role since high school.   At first, all the hard work and time consumption seemed normal and not too strenuous. But then my college years in architecture began, and I soon became extremely busy with full time college, 35 hours of work, long days and nights of architectural projects, a girlfriend (who is now my wife), a worship team ministry, worship team rehearsals, Bible study, Sunday services, and a weekly community group.   I continued working at this rate nonstop, and at age 23 Letty and I married.  I continued my unhealthy pace.  I was convinced that the ministry could NOT go on without me!  I liked being the source of information of lyrics and chords, I began to want to hear the praises of people…I remember when I returned from my honeymoon, I loved hearing how people missed me at the piano and missed my leadership.  At one point, I was working full time, going to school, leading two different worship teams and attending three worship services on Sunday. Meanwhile, I was neglecting my wife and my marriage all for the sake of ministry.  When asked if I could delegate tasks in the team, I always had answers as to why it was necessary for me to be the key point person who led and held all the information that the team needed in order to function properly.  I literally became irreplaceable, not because I was so great, but because I was selfish and withheld from people and did not do a good job at raising up leaders to cover for me.  When my first daughter was born in 2009, I did not slow down.  I prided myself in dragging my wife and newborn daughter to church earlier than the rest so I could rehearse with the band.  My wife and daughter weren’t going to get in the way of the success of my worship band.  Yes, my worship band.  It was no longer God’s.  I had neglected my marriage for 4 years and now was neglecting the newest member of my family – my daughter.  My spiritual life was like a barren desert with an occasional oasis that seemed to leave my life as fast as it came.  I realized I did not know the Lord as well as I thought I did. All I knew were chords, rhythms, and arrangements.  I did not serve God as well as I thought I did; I served myself and fed my selfish desires.  I became good at being Martha, gauging my spiritual walk by how busy I was.  The busier I was, the holier I was.  Instead, I should have been Mary, who chose to not be busy like her sister Martha, but be at the feet of Jesus worshiping him.

I crashed down hard because I developed an identity crisis.  What was once a clear identity found solely on Christ and the grace of the gospel, was now blurred and distorted. My identity was found in music, on the keyboard, or drums or whatever instrument I played.  My worship shifted from God to self and to a ministry.  I had turned a good thing from GOD into a god.  I exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator…(Romans 1:25).  After a life changing trip where God dealt with me in a deep way in 2009, I began to regain my identity in him and the Lord increased my desires to know him like never before.  I repented of ministry idolatry and ironically, he kept me in the worship team, though I had a new God-centered mentality this time.  I no longer had to be controlling over the ministry.  As it began to consume my time, the ultimate test came….could I let go of my ministry and focus on my main ministry which was my family?  Could I step down and not be behind an instrument Sunday after Sunday and still remain a faithful follower of Christ?  Could God take everything away that was dear to me and still find myself clinging to him?  By his grace, I was able to step down and focus on shepherding my family and managing my household. That’s when my walk with God began to flourish exponentially.  I was reading his Word and praying for hours daily.  I was sharing what God was doing in me with my wife and was able to encourage her in her walk with God.  Jesus became my center once again.  My soul was being refreshed by daily worship and devotion to Jesus.

At CityLights Church, we love to see people serve and we need more people to serve, but the elders are also praying and trying to gauge the health of ministry leaders and servants.  They want to make sure that your ministry is not substituting an authentic walk with Christ.  Our ministry becomes our god when it becomes our functional savior.  We feel connected to God only when we are helping people park their cars, or teaching children a worship song, or singing on a microphone on stage or preaching God’s word.  Our ministry then becomes a mediator between us and God.  Christ is then removed as mediator as 1 Timothy 2:5 says, “For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.”  Jesus is the mediator of a new covenant according to Hebrews 9:15.

Sometimes the reason we don’t want to let go of our ministries is because Jesus is tugging and pulling an idol from our clenched fists.  The reason we feel no one else can do them is because our ministry is our identity and not Christ.  Ministry leaders and servants need to understand that our ministries are a means to an end, not the end. If you idolize your ministry, you will eventually demonize all other ministries.  You will believe that your ministry is the only that matters and you will be upset when you don’t receive the resources you want/need, or the credit you desire from the pulpit.  You will begin to compare your ministry’s importance to others and will want yours to be in the spotlight.  You will begin to be bitter when people don’t praise you.

Church elders and pastors are not excluded from falling into ministry idolatry; in fact they may be more susceptible to it than the rest of the congregation. One passage of Scripture that cuts to the heart of the matter is found in Ezekiel 14: 1-6, where the elders (spiritual leaders) of Israel sat before the prophet Ezekiel and the word of God came to Ezekiel, “Son of man, these men (elders) have taken their idols into their hearts, and set the stumbling block of their iniquity before their faces. Should I indeed be consulted by them?”  Should God be consulted by elders who worship their own ministries and then come asking God why their churches are dry and unfruitful?  In verse 6, God admonishes the elders to repent and turn away from their idols, and turn their faces from all of their abominations.  No one is excluded from the dangers of ministry idolatry.  We must become aware at the outset that ministry idolatry is a danger for everyone on your team starting with the leadership of a church.  Here are some very tough and important questions that Pastor Mark Driscoll asked once when preaching on the subject of ministry idolatry.

1.      Does attendance in your church/ministry affect your joy?

2.      Do you idolize your gifts, believing that God needs you because of the skills you possess?

3.      Do you idolize theology thinking yourself more righteous than a simple Christian who does not know doctrine?

4.      Do you idolize traditions that hold back the spreading of the gospel in your church?

5.      Do you worship your methods feeling connected only to God with a certain style of preaching, prayer, music, song lyrics?

6.      Do you idolize your office where you are motivated not by God’s glory but your title?

7.      Do you idolize success?  The more fruit you see the better you feel about yourself?

8.      Do you idolize winning and feel like you have to outdo yourself week after week?

9.      Do you idolize innovation and want everyone to know how unique and creative your ministry/church is?

10.  Do you idolize your leaders and want to pray, teach, serve, sing, play, speak like them instead of Christ?

Let us pray to God that he guards our hearts from worshiping our ministry.  Let us be mindful that we are not saved so we can worship a ministry but worship Jesus.  If we raise the bar at our church on serving and commitments to serve, then let us also raise the bar of the Gospel to that degree in our hearts so that we are constantly reminded that our identity is rooted in Jesus and nothing else.  And should we be stripped of duties out of love and protection by our leaders for fear of burn out, let us absolutely be content, as our identity does not lie in what we do for God but what God has already done for us.  Let us learn to say “no” and rest.  We rest because of our identity in God.  He did not have to rest on the seventh day of creation but did in order to give us an example to follow.  It is righteous, holy, God honoring and pleasing to rest from your ministry.  Do it and do it often.  We are not to do ministry to find out who we are.  We do ministry because we know who we are in Christ.  The ministry leader/servant is just as much in need of the gospel as the person they are serving.  If you catch yourself in ministry idolatry, how do you get out?  You worshiped your way into idolatry, now you must worship your way out. You got into ministry idolatry by worshiping an idol.  Now it’s time to turn from worshiping an idol and start worshiping truth…Jesus said he is the truth. Worship Jesus.

CONNECT

We exist that we might introduce Jesus to people, bringing them to Jesus, lifting up the name of Jesus so that He may draw all men to Himself. (John 1:35-42; Acts 1:8-11)

COMMUNITY

As our Triune God exists in perfect unity in the Godhead, we exist that we may live in community with fellow disciples, in order that we may follow the biblical example of living life together, being a community, care for one another, worshipping together corporately, being accountable to one another, and discovering and applying biblical truth together. (John 17:2-24; Acts 2:42)

COMMIT

We exist that we might ensure every follower of Jesus is committed to following Him, to live lives of faith and obedience to Him, to grow in Christlike character, knowledge, and holiness, to grow in our worship of Him, to love him fully with our heart, mind, soul, and strength, living lives of prayer and obedience. (Luke 5:27-28; 2 Corinthians 5:15; Luke 9:23; Luke 10:27)

CONTRIBUTE

We exist that we might encourage every follower of Jesus to see that the Holy Spirit has called us into the body of believers and have graciously gifted us to serve on another, to serve others, to love others, to contribute what God has graciously gifted us with our time, talent, and treasures. (John 12:26; Matthew 6:24; Romans 12:3-8)

COMMISSIONED

We exist to equip every follower of Jesus, having been commissioned by Him and empowered by the Holy Spirit, to continue making disciples. (Matthew 28:16-20; Ephesians 4:12-13)

Mom has fed you so many times, so this Mother’s Day, treat her to a special brunch. All ladies are invited to join us for a brunch to honor and celebrate the special women in our lives on Saturday, May 5th at 11am in our Diversey Campus. CityLight’s GLOW Women’s Ministry will be hosting this event free of charge.
If you would like to attend, please register at the Connect Booth by Sunday April 29th. Any questions email: citylightstaff@gmail.com

God is changing hundreds of lives every week at Citylights Church, and behind every changed life are the faces of our volunteer staff. Whether it’s helping guests find a great parking spot, holding an infant, operating stage lights or anything in between, our teams serve to connect people to Christ. There is simply no greater joy than to know you are used by God in a way that makes an eternal impact on others. So let us know if you want to be a part of what God is doing through Citylights. It’s a decision you won’t regret.

If you’re interested please speak to your community group leader or sign up at our connect table on Sunday.

I knew that would get your attention. My daughter has two stuffed animal puppies that once belonged to me and my sisters. They’re holding up surprisingly well- they’ve been around since the 70s and not a rip in sight! From the moment she laid eyes and grubby hands on them, they have been clutched tightly to her chest. She takes them everywhere with her and proudly proclaims “TWO puppies”.

As my husband and I were attempting to buckle our precious girl into her carseat last week, we had an incredibly difficult time maneuvering the seatbelt around both toy dogs. We tried for a minute or two, but Annemarie would NOT release her grip on her puppies enough for us to fit the seatbelt around her. As God sometimes does in these situations, I said something to my daughter that I knew God was going to pose as a question back to me. “Just let it go for a second! We’re trying to keep you safe and we’ll give it right back.”. No sooner did the words leave my mouth, that I stated to our little family, “Yep, I hear a sermon coming.”

What was God trying to get me to let go?

Were there people/habits/attitudes I have been holding on to so tightly that God couldn’t get in?

Did I believe that I knew what was better for me than God did?

If a gave something/someone up, did I think God wouldn’t give them/it back?

Do I truly believe that I, as God’s daughter, am under His protection?

I have recently come to the realization that I need to let some of my family members go. The pressure I have put on myself isn’t from God. It is GOD that works in people’s hearts to bring them to salvation, not my good works. It is my dear Savior who will draw them to Himself, not my constant nagging. As I slowly release my grip (and control) over my family’s future, I feel the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. He will hold them, and if it’s His will, He will give them back.

Your invited to join “The Movement” every Friday Night @7:30pm. Citylights has a powerful team of leaders mentoring young people into a lasting relationship with Jesus.